The Four Faces of Me

I am going through a very deliberate assessment of myself and my history to provoke a better, healthier, more whole me.  Initially, I was very excited about this, although warned that it would get painful…it would get difficult.  Ha, I paid no heed to that.  I figured I had conquered enough to be able to conquer more with a minimum of discomfort.  And, then it got difficult… and I realized my path to healing stretched back farther than I thought.  Yes, back…I have to go there before I can fully go forward.  If I want it to be better, I have to first let it get worse.  So, I find myself needing to, in a very real way, acknowledge again who I was, who I became due to circumstance and choice, who I was meant to be, and who I am going to be.  Hence, another reblog from me.  Hope you don’t mind…

 

I am the Wounded One
In me, all your little girl dreams were birthed
Your ideas and passions began in me
And I have held onto them
kept them pulsing for you
I have waited and waited
because I knew you would come back for them

I am the 18-Year-Old
I nearly destroyed you
I perverted your appetite for simple sweet dreams
into your dark despair, your dank dungeon
but I kept your candor
your naiveté
your strength
because I knew you would come back for them

I am the Broken One
I numbed you to your dream destruction
made you blind to the truth
hid your confidence in timidity to soften the wrath
And I am the one you hate the most
You think I abandoned you
I didn’t
I was used to save you
I kept your sanity
your hunger for hope
your fever for freedom
because I knew you would come back for them

I am the New One
and I wanted to replace all of you
I expected you would all disappear
like a childish dream
with my awaited advent
but without you
I would have disappeared
so I will keep you
Wounded One
18-Year-Old
Broken One
because if I leave you behind
I know I would have to come back for you.

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11 responses to “The Four Faces of Me

  1. I keep a private blog, in which I have posts like these, inner reflections to let out rather than trapping them inside. It sound though, like you lived through quite the moment in your life at 18..:O

    • I don’t know why my writing makes me sort of an exhibitionist. But I think it’s perhaps because I think maybe others will feel less alone if I share all I can. I don’t know! And yes, 18-39 was quite the moment! 🙂

    • Thank you very much for your kind words. Yes, they were hard-earned and sometimes hard to keep from tucking under the shadows. Today is a shadow day and the past is weighing on me. Your comment was seen at the most perfect of times. What a gift!

      • Every dark moment lifts, eventually. There is a crack sometime, at some moment. I hope yours arrives soon. Hopefully my comment aides that moment. 🙂 Keep writing, sometimes that provides the way out too.

      • Funny thing about me…my emotions come and go so quickly sometimes I hardly remember them. I empty my emotions into what I write and it works for me. It did already today. And, yes your comment did certainly spur me on!

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