Members Only

Passing through the lunch line in a
burgundy Members Only jacket
black ribbon in my hair
to suggest my melancholy
to the world.
Masquerading behind the
pretense of a sore throat
so I wouldn’t have to speak,
so I could spend the day in chosen silence
alone with my thoughts
in a sprawling school of girls only
on any day I chose…
days when I wore a
burgundy Members Only jacket
black ribbon in my hair.
Wanting my thoughts to be heard,
knowing my voice would
crack under their weight…
wishing they were brave enough to hear,
knowing their perfect lives
would crack under my words.
I walked down the ancient halls
next to you
laughing, joking, dying
in my burgundy Members Only jacket
black ribbon in my hair…
wishing you could see the ache
for which I swallowed my voice.
Soon I’ll go home and
stand in the middle of my
once-canopied bed,
music blaring…
knowing that I always
smash the picture
hoping that at least
I’m one of the Beautiful Ones.
Embracing the beauty in my sadness
slipping the black ribbon
from my hair
slipping the burgundy Members Only jacket
from my body
I smile a smile for me
I speak so I can hear

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