What I Don’t Want

Someday I want to be old,
but I don’t want to look old
and I don’t want to act old.
I don’t want to forget who they are
or who you are.
I don’t want to languish in a rest home…
I don’t want to rest.
I want to squeeze every
second out of life
until time submits to exhaustion
instead of defeat.
I want to live at home
to be a part of the future
and a link to the past,
ever present…
ever present.
I don’t want to be forgotten,
but more than that,
I don’t want to forget
and I don’t want pills
to help me remember.
I don’t want a spotless mind.
I want all my spots
even the foul, contorted ones
so I can reveal their beauty
in learned lessons shared
with my descendants.
I want to be useful
and productive…
I want to count always.
I don’t want wrinkles
and I want to walk until
my last day.
I don’t mind rocking chairs
but I want you to
hold my hand
when I sit
I want you to watch
when I walk away the
way you do now.
I never want to be gray.
I always say I’ll dye till I die.
I want to always be me
because it took so long to become me
and I can’t bear being swallowed by
inflexible age and inexorable decline.
So, yes I want to be old some day
with a young spirit
with a young mind
with young skin
and black hair.
But mostly, I don’t
want to forget who they are
or who you are.

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9 responses to “What I Don’t Want

  1. I am so glad you directed me here, because this one blew me away! 🙂 Your lines are gripping and true to the nth word! I understand precisely why you said you didn’t want a spotlesss mind. I think, even though I keep saying I would like to erase somethings, one days like today, after reading your poem, it hits me-that I don’t want to erase those bad memories, because I want to hold onto them and the lessons they taught me and the way in which they moulded me. Thank you Daphne!

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