When I come here to this blog and write what I write, I purposefully place a shimmer of my soul in every sentence…the rhythm of my heart rests inside the construction of each poem, the weight of who I am makes the call between an ellipsis and a dash. Simply put, I have never posted anything here without forethought. I readily strip myself down to the undressed essence of all that I am and I do it with enthusiasm like I have never known before. I do it because I feel safe here.
On Thursday, September 11, I almost decided not to do that anymore. Someone dear to me took me to task on something I wrote called, I Used to Be, and suddenly this place, my blog, did not feel safe to me.
I hold nothing back here and I enjoy that freedom. As someone who was caged for so many years, unable to be me…here, in this place…I am always totally an unhindered, authentic me. On Thursday, I wondered if I had made a mistake. I wondered if I was enjoying my liberation too much. After all, who shares everything in a public place like a blog and feels safe doing it? Ha…me. I do.
I share myself here because I can…because I choose to…because it’s important. I invite you into my space and you either walk in and look around or walk on by without a glance. The choice is yours. However, I was cautioned that the above-mentioned post could lead others astray and that I should be careful what I say. Well, I can’t do that. I can’t be careful of what I say because to censor myself, to pretend my life is something it isn’t would be death to my creative spirit…death to everything I battled to become me. I refuse to do that. And, if I did, what would I write about? Nothing that matters to me. Nothing that anyone would choose to read.
I am an evolving person. And there are those who will not like the changes in me and that’s okay. I am really okay with that. But that will not affect my freedom to share the stories and poems of my life here in the bare bones honest way I have from day one. Literally, day one. I am not trying to change anyone else anywhere at any time. I respect your path… whatever it is. I seek only to share my path with those who care to know about it.
I will be writing about this journey I am walking and I will delve deeper than I did in I Used to Be. It will be a personal account as is everything I have ever written here…personal not proselytizing…just personal. I will do this because I can…because I choose to…because it’s important.